tallness genes overflow
sometimes, i just don't want to talk to you.
it's not that i don't like you, it's just that i don't want to feel like that again.
you know, it isn't easy for me to start talking like what i did, and when i do, i expect people to listen.
half the time i listen to people talk, so i think basic courtesy is to at least listen when i'm talking right.
i hate, HATE feeling insignificant.
ironically, i keep feeling that way.
if i start talking, it will go on forever and ever, cos there's too much to say.
no one will understand. it's like you're behind a transparent panel. you hear whatever people say, but you cannot reach out to anyone else.
that kind of feeling sucks the most.
and if i don't like something, i say it at once. and i expect myself to be heard.
you might think it's funny and all, but it isn't. it hurts okay.
sometimes i'm glad i don't need to face you all everyday, cos i think i might start crying someday. i know i do it in my heart. i just don't want to do it in your face. i, whether you believe it or not, dislike hurting other people's feelings intensely.
i like my dead blog. and i prefer it to stay that way. this way, i have somewhere to vent everything on. and unlike people, they don't backstab, don't insult, and are not condescending.
&the beauty.
CTs SUCK.
THEY DESERVE TO DIE.
THEY MAKE MY LIFE MORE MISERABLE.
AM UTTERLY PISSED AT THEM.
GAHHHHHHHH.
okay, that sums up my feelings for this week.
tomorrow's FTisland's showcase, AM VERY EXCITED :DDDDD
like, finally.
though CTs have me worrying, but you know, WTHHH -grins-
and thankyou all who commented, i thought my blog was like devoid of traffic haha.
till CTs are over, CHIONG AH!
&the beauty.
hey.
it's been a while hasn't it, haven't blogged for ages.
i'm abit sick of life actually.
the feeling of being surrounded by people who only think of themselves is stifling and horrible.
i try damn hard to please, to be the person everyone likes, but wow, guess what?
nobody cares whether you're tired, you're sad, frustrated. cos everyone only cares about themselves.
it's been a very enlightening experience, getting old, being in JC. it teaches you that life isn't like oh, pure and simple.
i want my old life back. the feeling of trying to blend in, trying to be someone else, it's killing my spirit. why can they do it so effortlessly while i have to struggle and STILL don't fit in?
don't say it's my attitude, the way i act. i've always been me, till i saw the world with new eyes. where you cannot do this with this method, but with another.
even friends you thought were friends actually just, you know, care about themselves more than others. and i mean when they talk with you, laugh with you, but the next minute ask anxiously how much you got, and then starts lamenting in front of you when your results are so much lower.
that's friendship?
and then there are those who complain and don't do as much work as others. when you're doing so much. and then they complain that they've been doing so freaking much.
you want to see how much i did?
and then there're those who are friends with you one minute, and strangers the next. what, i bite is it?
this sounds childish, sounds like im not accepting life as it is: selfish and unfeeling.
it sounds like something that i wrote out of angst, pique.
well, let me tell you, everything i wrote's true to my point of view.
say im emo, say im being retarded and thinking too much.
at this point in time, im too tired and disheartened to care much.
i've tried so damn hard, tried to change, tried to be strong and don't let the tears fall when i don't see my life improving even though i've about tried everything i could.
tired.
&the beauty.
BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LET MY BLOG DIE. and because it's the march holidays,
I'M HERE TO BLOG YAY!
yeah so anyway, things have been hectic as mad, but well, let's just say NJ has its pros and cons. Our syllabus is moving too freaking fast though, other schools haven't even completed half of what we have, like omg wth.
i cannot get econs. i think APGP is horrible. oh, throw in VA, you get so much crap in a few weeks.
i miss beverly. OH SHE CALLED ME ALL THE WAY FROM AUSTRALIA!!!! and i spent a happy time talking to her. i miss her so much sigh. i'll talk to you again, bevv dear, be sure about that :D
on the last day of school, i had a taste of island creamery's famous mudpie. and it is so fantastic. please go try kay, and get me along too :)))
i need to go out more. and finish my homework eesh.
ahwell, i shall go play while i can, and ignore the staggering pile of homework somewhere around haha.
TA :)
&the beauty.
hello!
i haven't blogged like darn long, sorry :/
last week was a killer, fun though :D
marvelous OGLs, fantastic games, nice OG mates <3
seriously, whoever said orientation can be summed up in a blogpost is seriously wrong. how can you put something so wonderful/crazy/tiring into a bland post?
so i'll just use this: I E(nj)oyed NJC Orientation 2009 - Viva La Vida! <33
this week, lectures, GP is boring, Econs is complicating, Bio, Math and Chem to be confirmed. lots of breaks in between, nothing to do and fill our time. sigh.
OH. the food here is really incomparable to stnicks. i miss orangebowl/chicken rice so much can omg. and stnicks canteen too. i want that huge canteen :/
i shall be satisfied with the food in NJ (ergh) and attempt to wait till my class timetable comes out, so i meet my new classmates.
meanwhile, OG18, i love you all <3
PS. i'm joining guitar ensem! who would have guessed haha. wish me luck yeah!
and my birthday presents. where are they! -looks meaningfully- well. get me something lahhhh be a dear :D
haha so shameless okay i shall run byeee!
&the beauty.
HI!
tomorrow's the first day of school, i'm rather nervous/excited/apprehensive, but well, what's inevitable has to come one day. i just really lament the loss of holidays. hell, i have tons of things not done okay! and then JC life has to start tomorrow on MY BIRTHDAY, when poly people start school in april or something. UNFAIR!
sigh. it is no use trying to put it off. i shall be brave, walk into NJ like i belong, and attempt to make new friends. omg i am so scared no one will be my friend. at least i have people going there with me, or i will freak and cry or something. maybr not cry, but ya know, I'M REALLY QUITE ANXIOUS. plus the fact that i have to study like a maniac again puts my off altogether.
let's move on to less stressful things. MY BIRTHDAY'S TOMORROW! -hinthint- it's the first day of school and my birthday at the same time so you can't say you forgot! please give me presents out of the kindness of your hearts, i will love you forever and ever <3 OH, speaking of which, DEAREST BEVV sent me a card from AUSTRALIA! and it's a birthday card! i was so touched when i got it, and bevv, when your internet gets fixed, and you read this, i love you alotalotalot for thinking of me even there, and yeah, i got it on time :D I LOVE YOU <3
okay. now there really is no time to do anything useful, but do remember my birthday :) haha i'm shameless please don't throw eggs at me :( i am just quite happy it's my birthday tomorrow and scared at the same time cos school starts too :((
KANGIN/YOONJI back in action! i haven't watched the video yet, but it's bound to be fantastic and i'm just ecstatic that they're back <33 kangin/yoonji FTW!
now i'm off to do the thousand and million things that need my attention. TA!
&the beauty.
hello world!
i haven't blogged in the longesttttt time, sorry :/
it's been hectic like mad, with cny and posting results and blahblah.
got into NJC, quite satisfied with the posting haha, plus i have friends going there too, so i'm kinda looking forward to it :)
had a korean class test. it totally destroyed my confidence in my ability to actually master korean. i am so lousy at it i don't feel like continuing anymore :(
i suck lah sigh. should i continue taking korean or what. i feel so sad and demoralised and... DEVASTATED.
ahwell anyway. oh my grandma's house has 4 kittens! their mother abandoned them, so now my grandparents are their surrogate 'mothers' lol. but they're SO CUTE <3 and i'm like familiar enough for them to think i'm one of their mothers too haha. now i know why people like cats and dogs :D ate so much cny goodies, i must have gained 3 kg sigh.
wells, i still wanna watch inkheart. and bride wars omggg. anne hathaway's pretty lol and the plot's quite funny haha. pity i have no time to watch alr tsktsktsk.
oh. there's this taiwanese drama called 霹靂MIT which is all kinds of fantastic and amazing :))))) the plot's really good, so people who want a good introduction to taiwanese dramas oughta watch this. instead of that supposedly first taiwanese drama serial, "Meteor Garden". that sucks so watch this instead!
i miss bevv. a lot. WHYYYY did you have to leave :( sigh. i have so many things i want to say, but well, right now i can't think of any. i'm sorry i wasn't there to send you off :/ take care kay!
okay i ran out of things to say, rather, i cannot think of anything more, so ta, till next time!
&the beauty.
